How to Help a Friend With an Eating Disorder

Signs to Look For: 

  • Intense fear of gaining weight.

  • Obsession with fat.

  • A distorted body image

  • Paying constant attention to food and/or dieting.

  • Exercising constantly, without a specific training goal.

  • Withdrawal from friends and family.

  • Binge eating.

  • Taking laxatives and/or diet pills for weight control.

People who intentionally starve themselves suffer from an eating disorder called anorexia nervosa. The disorder, which usually begins in young people around the age of puberty, involves extreme weight loss - at least 15 percent below the individual's normal body weight. Many people with the disorder look emaciated but are convinced they are overweight. Sometimes they must be hospitalized to prevent starvation. Food and weight become obsessions. For some, the compulsiveness shows up in strange eating rituals or the refusal to eat in front of others. They may adhere to strict exercise routines to keep off weight. Loss of monthly menstrual periods is typical in women with the disorder. Men with anorexia often become impotent.

 

People with bulimia nervosa consume large amounts of food and then rid their bodies of the excess calories by vomiting, abusing laxatives or diuretics, taking enemas, or exercising obsessively. Some use a combination of all these forms of purging. Because many individualswith bulimia "binge and purge" in secret and maintain a normal or above normal body weight, they can often sucessfully hide their problem from others for years. Many individuals with the disorder remain at normal body weight or above because of their frequent binges and purges, which can range from once or twice a week to several times a day. Dieting heavily between episodes of binging and purging is also common. Eventually, half of those with anorexia will also develop bulimia. As with anorexia, bulimia typically begins during adolescence. The condition occurs most often in women but is also found in men. Many individuals with bulimia, ashamed of their strange habits, do not seek help until they reach their thirties or forties. By this time, their earing behavior is deeply ingrained and more difficult to change.

 

An illness that resembles bulimia nervosa is binge eating disorder. Like bulimia, the disorder is characterized by episodes of uncontrolled eating or binging. However, binge eating disorder differs from bulimia because its sufferers do not purge their bodies of excess food. Individuals with binge eatsing disorder feel they lose control when eating. They eat large quantities of food and do not stop until they are uncomfortably full. Usually, they have more difficulty losing weight and keeping it off than do people with other serious weight problems. Most people with the disorder are obese and have a history of weight fluctuations. Binge eating disorder is found in about 2% of the general population - more often in women than in men. Recent research shows that binge eating disorder occurs in about 30% of people participating in medically supervised weight control problems.(1) 

 

What to Do: 

  • Approach your friend gently but persistently. Explain that you're worried; listen sympathetically. Expect him or her to deny the problem and become resentful of your intervention. Be persistent despite his/her hostility.

  • Emphasize the positive. Point out strengths and compliment talents.

  • Express concern about the person as a whole. Focus on your concern for his or her health and happiness rather than specific behaviors.

  • Don't comment on your friend's (or anyone's) body size, weight loss, weight gain, etc.

  • Don't contribute to conversations that focus on food, body size, calories, etc.

  • Empathize with his/her fear and shame, but let him/her know you care about him/her too much to ignore his/her destructive behaviors.

  • Be supportive. It's the most important thing you can do. Show your friend you believe in him/her - it will make a difference in recovery.

  • Don't give advice. Being told what to do or not do can often provoke the opposite response, and your friend may become defensive.

  • Remind your friend that people are important because of who they are, not how they look or what they do.

  • Set realistic goals. Don't expect your friend to recover overnight - it's a gradual process. You can't make him/her stop the behavior, but you can listen, try to understand, and offer support.

  • Be yourself. Be honest in sharing your feelings.

  • Don't change your eating habits when you're around your friend. Your "normal" eating is an example to your friend of a more health relationship with food.

  • Encourage your friend to seek help from professionals. Get help yourself if the stress of the situation is affecting you.

  • Offer to help find professional help or go along for the first visit if your friend is willing to get help.

  • Assure your friend that all visits with a health care provider are confidential (unless they are immediate life-threatening concerns).

  • Don't blame yourself is your friend is not yet willing to acknowledge the problem or change behaviors. It can take a person a long time to accept the situation. (2) 

You can always contact the Health Center with any questions or concerns about eating disorders. We have a variety of pamphlets available on disorders, symptoms and treatments. We are always here to help.

 

For more information, visit the following websites:
www.4women.gov (PDF)
The Renfrew Center
Anred
Your Medical Source 

 

(1) Taken from "Eating Disorders," a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: National Institutes of Health: National Institute of Mental Health publication. 1993.
(2) Taken from "Restrictive Eating" and "Bulimia," ETR Associates. 1996 and 1997.