He was nice and I was nice and what you do when that is the case is consolidate. We bought a house.
In the years before we'd met I had dreamt of a house, and I loved dreaming of a house, and then we had a house, and I missed my dreams.
So I resumed them.
Our house was our house but it was a palace and I was myself but I was a doll. I was posed like I was about to jump off the balcony. And I was saying to the doll me in the dream, Jump.
I was asking the real estate agent, who was my mother but who was also a kind of large bird, Why are the hills here so blue? But she kept up her trill copper plumbing! School system! and I knew she did not want me to know the answer.
Out back was a deep well and we were rolling a rock over the grass to cover the well so the kids wouldn't fall in it and the rock was very very heavy but I knew that in real life the rock was no bigger than my husband's eye.
I tried reading Jung. There was a part in his book that said he wished to remember only when the imperishable world entered into the transitory one. I thought erupted then went to bed.
We were frozen in the yard. I was the wife doll in a lounge chair and the husband figure had a rake in his hand and the kids were also dolls and they were popping bubbles. The bubbles had stopped blowing. Then the yard suddenly exploded and in my head I thought Run but we were frozen. Then it was later. A toy boat came and was going to take our bodies from the scene.
A homeless man was knocking on the door of our house. It was my husband. I opened the door. He wasn't speaking. I spoke. Everything I said was sounding flat. In the dream I told myself, Say something not flat, say something round. I looked over the man's shoulders and I could see the blue hills. I said Boo hoo. I remember thinking how glad I was that it was a dream because I had said the wrong thing.
The real estate agent's throat was blocked. I knew she had tried to swallow sperm and I knew that it was whale sperm. I was behind her in Heimlich position and she took my arm from around her waist and pointed my hand up at the sky and the sun was high. I knew in the dream why I was dreaming this, and it was because in real life, my mother has a high and bright voice.
The homeless man was at the door and he was knocking and wouldn't go away. I didn't know what to do so I unraveled a coat hanger and I caught his hand, the one that was knocking, and I wrapped the coat hanger around his ring finger but then I was embarrassed and pretended to him that it did not mean anything.
The day after that dream, someone knocked on our real door. I did not answer. I was pretending that I could read Kierkegaard. A moment later my husband came into the room asking, Who was that at the door? And I said, It was you. I said it again, I think it was you.
We were in an apartment and it looked like the place we had rented before we became people who owned a house. I was saying to my husband before we fell asleep, We have the task of becoming whole persons. After I said whole persons I closed my eyes and there were tiny pioneers in my head and they were driving tiny stakes into tall grass. I knew in the dream that they were living on a whale's back but I wasn't part of the scene and couldn't say anything.
I was in the dollhouse yard but we were all dead and we'd been dead for years. I saw buds on the trees and eggs in the grass. I was walking around in the dream pretending it was not a lonely scene. I wanted to look for the wiffle ball we had lost near the fence but that did not seem brave and I wanted to be brave. I knew in the dream that it was just a dream so I was pretending as I walked through the tall blue grass that nothing was missing.
The following links are virtual breadcrumbs marking the 12 most recent pages you have visited in Bucknell.edu. If you want to remember a specific page forever click the pin in the top right corner and we will be sure not to replace it. Close this message.