The Other Shore
He was nice and I was nice and what you do when that is the case is consolidate. We bought a house.
In the years before we'd met I had dreamt of a house, and I loved dreaming of a house, and then we had a house, and I missed my dreams.
So I resumed them.
Our house was our house but it was a palace and I was myself but I was a doll. I was posed like I was about to jump off the balcony. And I was saying to the doll me in the dream, Jump.
I was asking the real estate agent, who was my mother but who was also a kind of large bird, Why are the hills here so blue? But she kept up her trill copper plumbing! School system! and I knew she did not want me to know the answer.
Out back was a deep well and we were rolling a rock over the grass to cover the well so the kids wouldn't fall in it and the rock was very very heavy but I knew that in real life the rock was no bigger than my husband's eye.
I tried reading Jung. There was a part in his book that said he wished to remember only when the imperishable world entered into the transitory one. I thought erupted then went to bed.
We were frozen in the yard. I was the wife doll in a lounge chair and the husband figure had a rake in his hand and the kids were also dolls and they were popping bubbles. The bubbles had stopped blowing. Then the yard suddenly exploded and in my head I thought Run but we were frozen. Then it was later. A toy boat came and was going to take our bodies from the scene.
A homeless man was knocking on the door of our house. It was my husband. I opened the door. He wasn't speaking. I spoke. Everything I said was sounding flat. In the dream I told myself, Say something not flat, say something round. I looked over the man's shoulders and I could see the blue hills. I said Boo hoo. I remember thinking how glad I was that it was a dream because I had said the wrong thing.
The real estate agent's throat was blocked. I knew she had tried to swallow sperm and I knew that it was whale sperm. I was behind her in Heimlich position and she took my arm from around her waist and pointed my hand up at the sky and the sun was high. I knew in the dream why I was dreaming this, and it was because in real life, my mother has a high and bright voice.
The homeless man was at the door and he was knocking and wouldn't go away. I didn't know what to do so I unraveled a coat hanger and I caught his hand, the one that was knocking, and I wrapped the coat hanger around his ring finger but then I was embarrassed and pretended to him that it did not mean anything.
The day after that dream, someone knocked on our real door. I did not answer. I was pretending that I could read Kierkegaard. A moment later my husband came into the room asking, Who was that at the door? And I said, It was you. I said it again, I think it was you.
We were in an apartment and it looked like the place we had rented before we became people who owned a house. I was saying to my husband before we fell asleep, We have the task of becoming whole persons. After I said whole persons I closed my eyes and there were tiny pioneers in my head and they were driving tiny stakes into tall grass. I knew in the dream that they were living on a whale's back but I wasn't part of the scene and couldn't say anything.
I was in the dollhouse yard but we were all dead and we'd been dead for years. I saw buds on the trees and eggs in the grass. I was walking around in the dream pretending it was not a lonely scene. I wanted to look for the wiffle ball we had lost near the fence but that did not seem brave and I wanted to be brave. I knew in the dream that it was just a dream so I was pretending as I walked through the tall blue grass that nothing was missing.