Episode 31: How I Crafted a Killer Application Essay

Episode 31 Transcript

• Episode 31 Transcript

  [INTRODUCTION]

  [00:00:06] BW: Think about the latest TV series you binge-watched. Did it start by saying, “In this TV show, you'll meet a messed-up family with lots of problems?” I bet not. It probably threw you right into the story, sharing something interesting just a few moments after you pressed play.

  [00:00:22] BT: In other words, it hooked you quickly, and it did so by showing not telling. What if you applied the same strategy to application essays? I'm Brooke Thames from Bucknell University, and in this episode of College Admissions Insider, we'll share how to create an application essay that an admissions office won't be able to stop reading.

  [00:00:40] BW: And I'm Bryan Wendell, also from Bucknell. Today, we've invited two Bucknell students who wrote killer application essays to share a little bit about their process. They're also going to read a little excerpt from the essays to give you an idea of how they turned their own unique story into unforgettable prose.

  [00:00:58] BT: These students are pretty different. They come from different states — New Jersey and Colorado — and different Bucknell colleges — the College of Arts and Sciences and the Freeman College of Management. But they both wrote essays that made our admissions team say, “Wow.”

  [00:01:12] BW: So please welcome Meghan Tran and Kelley Francis.

  [00:01:15] MT: Hi.

  [00:01:15] KF: Hi.

  [00:01:18] BT: So to start off, can each of you tell us what your intended majors are within the Bucknell College that you guys are admitted to and why you chose to apply to Bucknell?

  [00:01:26] MT: Hi, I'm Meghan, and I applied to the Freeman College of Management. My intended major is finance. I applied to Bucknell just see if I can get in because I learned out it’s a really good school, and I just wanted a shot of seeing if I could get into this college.

  [00:01:46] KF: Hi, I'm Kelley. I am in the College of Arts and Sciences. I'm an undecided major, so I was really looking for like a liberal arts education. I'm considering either neuroscience or biology as my major. I chose Bucknell because I was looking to play Division I soccer. So I'm on the women's soccer team, and I just really wanted like a small, intimate campus. That was what I was looking for, and I saw that in the Patriot League and specifically at Bucknell.

  [00:02:16] BW: Of course, you both were admitted. A part of that was the strength of your essays, in addition to everything else on your transcript. So, Meghan, let's start with you and kind of talk about that essay. In your essay, which you were kind enough to share with us and I've read, you wrote about how you were vulnerable and teased in high school because you're on the shorter end of the height spectrum. But you also overcame that insecurity and found confidence in yourself through taekwondo. So can we start by asking you to read a section of that essay where that self-assurance was kind of solidified in words?

  [00:02:55] MT: Yeah, sure. “In the spring of my freshman year of high school, I tested for and earned my second-degree black belt in taekwondo. At the end of that test, my master gave me a life lesson to think about: ‘Always strive higher than what you're capable of. Don't cut yourself short. Aim higher, and you will succeed.’ Hearing that, I became whole. Today, I'm still known as the short and scary Asian girl, but people respect me. Not for the fact that I'm scary but for the fact that I've grown from my past experiences. I'm proud to say that I'm 4 feet and 11 inches. Not only did I grow physically but mentally and emotionally. I have confidence to achieve things I put my mind to, and to support and stand up for those around me. I learned to trust more than the people I've known for years. I've learned to have self-respect and pride in myself, because without that, I don't think I could become the person I am today.”

  [00:03:48] BT: That's awesome. Yeah, I really loved that part of your essay. So, Meghan, there are multiple essay prompts that you got to choose from, either the Common App or the Coalition App. So which prompt inspired yours and why did you choose it?

  [00:04:02] MT: I chose the prompt from Common App. It's the one where it's like, “Describe or reflect on challenges that you faced and like lessons that you could have learned from it.” I chose that prompt because I thought that it was something easy to talk about and to write about. I am a person that's like easily expressive, and I felt that this prompt specifically can help me express myself in a way that I can write easy and, hopefully, land me into a college of my choice.

  [00:04:33] BW: So coming up with that first decision which prompt, that seems to be like a place where that slows down a lot of people. Then even beyond that, actually figuring out what you're going to write about is the next huge hurdle before you can sit down and put pen to paper, either literally or figuratively. So, Meghan, did you know what you write about right away, or did you have to think about it, brainstorm some? How did you get that idea?

  [00:04:58] MT: Well, I had a lot of options to write about. I've experienced a lot. Being as young as I am, I've experienced a lot through my life. But I felt like this experience of me talking about getting teased and bullied growing up, and using like taekwondo as an outlet and as a life lesson, it was the most recent one at the time for me to write about. The lesson that my teachers at my taekwondo school have taught me, that's what really stuck the most because I spent a lot of time at that studio and at that school where I was taught to like stand up for myself and stand up for others. So that's what led me to be able to write this essay.

  [00:05:40] BT: Yeah. Let's talk a little bit more about the actual experience of having to write about yourself. I mean, writing an essay for a college application is different than writing an analytical essay for a literature class or something like that. It's way more personal, and the goal is really to tell the admissions team about you. So before you even got to writing, I wonder, are there any resources that you looked to to kind of help guide the process?

  [00:06:02] MT: Yeah, there were. We actually start to write these junior year of high school, so it was part of our curriculum at the time. I had many resources like my teachers and those around me to help me, and obviously upperclassmen who have been through this writing process and writing experiences. So I just talked about myself, really. It’s something that's easy for me to do when writing something like this. Yeah, there were a lot of resources that I used and that I mainly based off myself.

  [00:06:39] BW: I know from experience that when you're looking at that blank page in Google Docs, or Word, or whatever, that blinking cursor can sometimes feel like it's like taunting you and saying, “I'm just going to be staying here will you wrack your brain about what to say.” So like what was your process? Did you just open a blank document and let the words pour out? Or was there a different, I guess, kind of journey that you took when starting to write?

  [00:07:04] MT: Usually, whenever I'm doing like a writing assignment, and especially this essay, I just open the doc and write. I just throw out words on the paper and hope for the best. Eventually, it'll form into this essay. There was a lot of staring at the screen time, trying to wrack my brain and finding the right words to say, or finding the right moments that I want to talk about. But, eventually, it just came out. My best way of writing is just throwing it out there, and hoping, and just getting words on the paper. My best, I guess, strategy for me is just throwing it out on the paper and just formatting it later on. That's how I am, just to get the ideas out and do minor adjustments as I go.

  [00:07:55] BT: Yeah. Once the essay started really starting to take form, was there any editing that factored in? What was that revising process like? How did you know that you were done and really happy with what you wrote before submitting?

  [00:08:08] MT: Yeah, there was some editing, like the basics of grammar and fluidity, like any writing assignment that a student could have. But with this essay, it was like my story, my words, my voice. So there were no true conventional edits that needed to be made. And I knew I was done when like I gave it to some like friends and some teachers to look over, and it invoked some emotions from them. I knew that if I can get that kind of reaction from people who have known me for like a whole school year, or years, then I knew that if a stranger — someone that I've never met before, like someone from admissions — read that, I knew that, “I'm set.”

  [00:08:52] BW: Yeah, and indeed you were. That's really great, and thanks for kind of sharing that glimpse into your life. At the end of the episode, we'll share how our listeners can read the full essay that each of you wrote, because it's definitely worth checking out.

  We want to bring in Kelley Francis now. Kelley, your essay was vivid and well structured, and it gave us a peek into your passion for soccer. As you mentioned, you're a member of the Bucknell soccer team. You opened by describing various things you've accidentally broken while practicing soccer, including your dad's birdhouses. By the end of the essay, you've kind of taken the reader on a ride, and we realize that that all symbolizes more than just birdhouses. So can you share us an excerpt from your essay, please?

  [00:09:37] KF: Yeah. “Soccer is my therapy. When I'm playing soccer, I forget all of my worries and stress as I engross myself in the game I love. Time does not exist when I am playing soccer. There are no tests to study for, and no texts to respond to, and no worrying about looking cool or fitting in. There's just my soccer ball and me.

  Sometimes, I recruit my dad to help with drills. My dad, who grew up playing football, basketball, and lacrosse, is still getting his soccer legs, but his accuracy has improved tremendously. My backyard is a safe space. The opposing forces of serenity and energy are in perfect harmony, while I shoot the ball between two powerful trees that replicate the goalposts of a 12-by-foot soccer net. I create defenders out of tree roots and hit the birdhouses hanging above —accidentally, of course.

  When winter arrives with its snowy, dark nights, I head to the basement, where I run drills in circles around the ping pong table and dribble through drink coasters, corn hole bags and ping pong paddles. The 18 birdhouses hanging in the aspen trees in the backyard have been glued, repainted, taped or nailed back together, but my dad never throws them away. Every bird house was a Father's Day gift from me to my dad. While soccer makes me lose track of time, love, family and birdhouses fuel and support my passion for soccer.”

  [00:11:00] BT: Yeah, I loved the words, and the phrasing that you used, and all that detail that you really infused even in just these couple paragraphs. It made me wonder on first read about your prior experience with writing. So a similar question that we asked to Meghan, are there any specific skills or resources that you picked up in high school that you drew upon when writing your essay?

  [00:11:20] KF: Yeah. I think it definitely, as you mentioned earlier, is different from what we're mostly taught in high school about more analytical writing. So it's definitely more of a creative writing process that I didn't exactly learn in my higher level English or history classes. But it also was similar in the idea that you just want to have a hook to your writing. So that's what I really focused on at first, is how can I engage my readers? And that's what I went with when I was discussing with my teachers, like, “Where should I start?” So I think just knowing how to outline and write a well-structured essay was what helped me just to realize, “What do I want to write up about in the first place?”

  [00:12:05] BT: On your first draft, did it start as kind of this pretty neat narrative structure with all of these details and all of these really vivid aspects? Or was that something that you had to kind of go back and infuse even more as you went through different edits?

  [00:12:22] KF: Yeah, I think that I started out, and I just was like, “I need to get words on a piece of paper.” I definitely wrote way more than I needed to and was over the word limit. I always seem to do that, so I always have to kind of refine and realize what I want to keep and what I don't. Then I'm like, “Oh, maybe I should actually add that.” Then I have to realize I have to cut out other things. So it's just kind of a process of realizing what can I add to make it better and what do I need to remove that isn't really adding to anything that I haven't already said.

  [00:12:55] BW: I think a lot of writers use that strategy when they're dealing with a word count, especially. Write more than you need, and then it's easier to cut out sections to reach some type of word count. So when you were going through the process, who were those people that you trusted? You mentioned some teachers. Who did you trust enough to say, “Hey, here's this piece of my life that's about to be really important for me when I submit it to colleges. Can you take a look at it?” Also, was there anything that they said that maybe you disagreed with and decided not to incorporate?

  [00:13:28] KF: Yeah. Similar to Meghan, we also had a class — it was kind of a college and career readiness class. So I went to our college writing advisor, and we worked through my essay a lot. I actually wrote a completely different essay that I thought I was going to turn in. So I think it was helpful to go to her and realize that maybe I need to write about something that I'm a little bit more passionate about. At first, I disagreed that I should have to rewrite my whole paper. But after realizing that it wasn't exactly something that was truly an identity, it was really helpful to have reached out to her, and work out what do I need to start with, and outlining again.

  [00:14:15] BW: So you must have been doing this far enough in advance to be able to rewrite, which maybe there might be a lesson there that says like, “Don't start writing a week before the deadline.” Because if you had, you wouldn't have been able to make that type of turnaround, right?

  [00:14:30] KF: Definitely. I think I started writing it also kind of junior year. It was like, “Oh, just get thoughts out on the paper.” But then when it started coming over the summer, I was like, “Well, now I need to really start thinking about what do I actually want to write about?” I applied, I think, in October because of soccer. So it was kind of a deadline that not many people have to deal with, but I knew that I had to submit pretty early. So I went ahead and just started from scratch, and it probably took about two months.

  [00:15:01] BT: Yeah, you definitely went through a process there with your essay. I mean, you mentioned knowing that you have to have a hook and even realizing that maybe you need to start over and think of a new topic. So what general tips would you give a high schooler who is really just starting out?

  [00:15:17] KF: One thing that I thought was helpful was I went just prompt by prompt on the Common App, and I just started like looking through ideas of, What could I write about for each topic?” Because I wasn't entirely set on one prompt. Once I got through all of them, I was like, “That’s the story I actually want to write about.” And that's kind of how it all started.

  [00:15:38] BW: Yeah, that's great. Because if it's something you don't want to write about, then the reader probably isn't going to want to read about it. So that's super smart, I think.

  What's so great about both of your essays is that they're so personal. I know from talking to some colleagues in admissions that that's what they want to see. The more personal an essay, the more likely it is to stand out. But not everybody has maybe has that one thing that just stands out to them as something they would turn into an essay. So do you have any advice for someone who might be struggling to find that story that would make sense to share in a few hundred words?

  [00:16:15] KF: Basically, I think that what's important is to choose a topic that actually symbolizes who you are, and don't write something that you think the admissions office wants you to write about. I think that's what, at first, I was thinking about is like, What do they want me to tell them about?” But then it was more like, “What should I tell them that I want them to know about me?” I know I was told a lot that I shouldn't write about sports and soccer because they already know that. I was coming here for soccer. But it's not really a story about soccer, it's more about my relationship with my family and the bond between us. So just writing about something that I love in two different ways — my family and my like passion for soccer —was kind of a nice starting point of writing something personal. Just start with something that you actually enjoy is my biggest advice.

  [00:17:15] BT: I love that. Meghan, anything from you? Any tips for students who are trying to really capture themselves in writing?

  [00:17:22] MT: Yeah, I totally agree with Kelley. It’s just finding what inspires you and finding what you want admissions to know about you. Like they don't care about your like – I mean, they do, but you want to be vulnerable, in a sense, to them. They want to get to know you as a person, not you, the student on the transcript. They want to have a connection with the students that they are admitting into the college. So find something that you're passionate about or something that inspires you is a really big, I guess you can say, thing to think about when entering this time to write your essay.

  [00:18:01] BW: That's awesome, yeah. Start early and hook them right away. I mean, you both really just kind of nailed all the top tips. I just want to say thanks to both of you for joining us and sharing the process behind your successful application essays.

  Thanks to everybody listening to this episode of College Admissions Insider. If you're a fan of the podcast, please take a moment to share, rate and subscribe. That really does help us grow and reach new listeners.

  [00:18:28] BT: If you enjoyed hearing the excerpts from the essays written by Meghan and Kelley, we encourage you to visit magazine.bucknell.edu to read their full essays, and two other really great standout essays written by members of the Class of 2025.

  [00:18:43] BW: As for us at College Admissions Insider, we'll be back with another new episode in two weeks. In the meantime, you can send your questions, comments and episode ideas to us at podcast@bucknell.edu.

  [00:18:56] BT: Finally, we invite you to follow Bucknell on all of your favorite social media apps. Just look for @BucknellU on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok. You can follow our student-run Instagram account as well, which is @iamraybucknell.

  [00:19:10] BW: Until next time, keep on reaching for your dreams and your dream school.

  [END]